A good friend came to community group Sunday night with a black eye (I wouldn't want to embarrass him by giving his true identity but if any of you saw Steve Duty at church last Sunday the black eye looked kinda like his), and so we asked for an explanation. He confessed that it was self inflicted. He told us how he had been attacked by wasps in his barn and out of anger tried to take care of the one that was stinging him just below the eye by inexplicably balling up his own fist and giving it a good wack.
He missed the wasp but nearly knocked himself out.
I know it had to hurt- he said he thought he had broken his nose in the process- but the full explanation with physical demonstration was rapturously funny. It took awhile for our group to regain composure.
I've been thinking today about self inflicted wounds.
Not the physical ones but the emotional and spiritual ones. These are the wounds much less obvious and more difficult to heal.
Let's face it- most of the wounds we experience are the ones we bring upon ourselves. The Bible teaches that the core issue we deal with in our fallen condition is the problem of idolatry which is the ultimate self inflicted wound. Idolatry is the act of putting something at the center of my heart that continually strikes me down. If there is anything at the center of my affections other than Christ Himself, that thing will destroy me- it will crush me to the ground.
Today I had a conversation with a young man who told me of a struggle with depression and anxiety- he wondered if his problem was spiritual warfare. "Of course" I told him, "but the core issue is your idolatry."
"What do you mean?" He asked.
I told him that most people misunderstand idolatry as being some benign object of worship- they think of a golden calf or one of the millions of Hindu gods or goddesses- but not of anything related to their own life. But there is a reason the first two commandments deal with the issue of our idolatry and that the other 8 are simply manifestations of the first two. We are all terribly idolatrous and that is our core issue. It is by far our biggest problem. This is way I am constantly telling people "your problem is not really the problem you think it is- it is deeper than you think." We are stung by it every day and are constantly having to fight it's influence over us.
An idol is anything I have placed in my life other than Christ that I believe will give me significance and meaning. It is whatever causes me to say "If I lose everything else, at least I have this..."
Whatever "this" is, is your idol.
It is what you do not believe you can live without it. And if it's not God, it will destroy you.
So if you are feeling depression or anxiety it is most likely because your idol is condemning you.
I once had a conversation with a girl who struggled with doubts about her salvation. She showed all the signs of a committed Christian and yet she felt constantly condemned. After talking through her doubts it became clear that instead of relying on His grace, she was focused on living up to the high standards her parents had set for her.
She was guilty of idolatry.
Her idol was the projection of the person her parents wanted her to be and therefore she was constantly condemned by it. She was not living by His grace, she was stuck in the bondage of religious idolatry and yet she looked to everyone who knew her like a committed believer.
Her wounds were self inflicted.
And so were the young man's who told me today he was feeling depression and wondered if it was spiritual warfare. He wondered what God was trying to tell him through all of this. I told him "God wants you to put away your idols and accept His loving grace and love and serve Him because of His great love for you and stop serving an idol that is constantly condemning you."
Life should hurt at times. At times we should feel a little depressed or a little anxiety. Certainly the wasps will sting- but we should not be struck down by the natural ebb and flow of this life.
If you lose your job it should hurt but if it devastates you it's probably because your career has become an idol.
If you lose a relationship it should be painful but if you fall into a deep depression it is likely because that relationship is what was giving you meaning and purpose and joy in this life. That relationship had become an idol and now your idol is condemning you.
We go through normal emotions in the natural course of this life but when Christ is not at the center we go through idolotrously magnified feelings of depression and anxiety and hopelessness and that is our deepest self inflicted wound.
The Psalmist put it this way:
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
It is a good question. A question I ask myself a lot.
If our hope is in anything else, we are like a guy I know who nearly knocked himself out while trying to swat a wasp- our deepest wounds will be self inflicted.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
the first step
There is great power in a single step of determination. Like the old Chinese proverb says, "A trip of a thousand miles begins with a single step". It really is true that every advance we make along our life's journey begins with a single act of determination.
I remember well the first steps my kids have taken. The first time they balanced on two feet- the first nervous jump into the pool, the first time they pedaled out on their bikes. All of these milestones are celebrated mightily, because we parents know the importance of that very first act of determination- it is the most important step.
Forty years ago today Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, immortalized that moment with these words,
"One small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind."
That was one step that none of us who were alive during that time will ever forget. It was a step that seemed to recalibrate the way we saw the world and saw ourselves. From that point on people around the world would say things like "Well, if we can put a man on the moon, surely we can _______".
There is great power in a single step.
But as important as that event was to human history, it pales in comparison to the first step Jesus took toward Jerusalem recorded in Luke 9:51. In this passage the Bible says that Jesus "set His face toward Jerusalem..." He was, in other words, determined to take that first step toward what He knew would be arrest, trial and crucifixion. It was the first step toward the most important event in any of our lives. From that first step came sacrifice, atonement, resurrection and new life. The most important event in all of our lives began with a first step.
It was truly a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind.
Yes it is true, any of the good that comes into our lives has been the result of the determination of a first step.
All of this to say that the rest of your life is ahead of you- the journey laid out in front of you , whether it be of a thousand miles or a million or just a mile or two from where you are right now, all begins in the determination of the first step.
I remember well the first steps my kids have taken. The first time they balanced on two feet- the first nervous jump into the pool, the first time they pedaled out on their bikes. All of these milestones are celebrated mightily, because we parents know the importance of that very first act of determination- it is the most important step.
Forty years ago today Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, immortalized that moment with these words,
"One small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind."
That was one step that none of us who were alive during that time will ever forget. It was a step that seemed to recalibrate the way we saw the world and saw ourselves. From that point on people around the world would say things like "Well, if we can put a man on the moon, surely we can _______".
There is great power in a single step.
But as important as that event was to human history, it pales in comparison to the first step Jesus took toward Jerusalem recorded in Luke 9:51. In this passage the Bible says that Jesus "set His face toward Jerusalem..." He was, in other words, determined to take that first step toward what He knew would be arrest, trial and crucifixion. It was the first step toward the most important event in any of our lives. From that first step came sacrifice, atonement, resurrection and new life. The most important event in all of our lives began with a first step.
It was truly a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind.
Yes it is true, any of the good that comes into our lives has been the result of the determination of a first step.
All of this to say that the rest of your life is ahead of you- the journey laid out in front of you , whether it be of a thousand miles or a million or just a mile or two from where you are right now, all begins in the determination of the first step.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
God, give us men
I know that preachers are given to platitudes and gross generalities at times- so at the risk of maintaining that sad stereotype I want to make what may seem to you a sweeping observation about our culture: in my opinion one of the biggest problems we have in modern American culture if not THE biggest problem is the curse of the adolescent male.
And I'm not talking about teenage boys.
I'm talking about grown men who act like teenagers. I'm talking about men who have never grown up- men who are ruled more by their hormones than they are their back bone. I know this is not a new problem, but I do think that it is at least a growing problem.
Consider the headlines of the past few weeks:
* June 21: South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, husband and father of four, leaves the state over Father's Day weekend without telling anyone where he is going. After at first saying he was hiking in the Appalachians, he later admits to flying to Argentina to hook up with a girlfriend.
* July 4: Former Tennessee quarterback Steve McNair is shot four times while in bed with his girlfriend in the apartment he provided for her. Although McNair had a wife and kids at home, it is now known that he had more than one girlfriend. A Minneapolis newspaper has reported, "McNair had been a frequent visitor to a local strip club and had an intimate and extramarital relationship with an exotic dancer for about six years. 'She liked money and athletes,' the former business manager said on condition of anonymity. 'She went out with athletes before. She was one of those girls who said, 'You're married? You have kids? So what?' Lets have fun.'
* July 9: Nevada Senator John Ensign, the only Pentecostal in the U.S. Senate and an active supporter of Promise Keepers, a husband and father of three, admits to an extramarital affair with one of his campaign aids. It is later learned that his father, a casino mogul in Las Vegas, paid his mistresses family 96,000 dollars.
* July 7: Perhaps the most dramatic example of a prominent adult male who never really grew out of his adolescence is Michael Jackson, whose incredible musical career was overshadowed by his sad and terribly tragic personal life, characterized by countless cosmetic surgeries and fixation on Peter Pan. Jackson died in an apparent drug induced Neverland stupor millions of dollars in debt and struggling with bouts of deep depression. His subsequent funeral, paid for by the city of Los Angeles, was more of an extravaganza than a memorial service and cost an estimated 1.4 million dollars.
Some will say that this is not a trend in the making- that these are the kinds of things that have always gone on and that we are living in an information age in which an explosion of scandal is constantly barraging public consciousness that in other times would not have been known or reported. To that I would confess that I am somewhat but not completely naive to human nature and our societies somewhat scandalous history.
But I see other signs that the moral fabric of society is beginning to fray that go beyond these latest and most obvious examples. There are many more prominent examples that are impacting our culture that we can see and feel every day- like the fact that most babies born in Oklahoma county are born into homes needing government assistance and that the large majority of them are single moms. Like the fact that men are marrying late or not marrying at all. Recently, the New York Times reported:
And I'm not talking about teenage boys.
I'm talking about grown men who act like teenagers. I'm talking about men who have never grown up- men who are ruled more by their hormones than they are their back bone. I know this is not a new problem, but I do think that it is at least a growing problem.
Consider the headlines of the past few weeks:
* June 21: South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, husband and father of four, leaves the state over Father's Day weekend without telling anyone where he is going. After at first saying he was hiking in the Appalachians, he later admits to flying to Argentina to hook up with a girlfriend.
* July 4: Former Tennessee quarterback Steve McNair is shot four times while in bed with his girlfriend in the apartment he provided for her. Although McNair had a wife and kids at home, it is now known that he had more than one girlfriend. A Minneapolis newspaper has reported, "McNair had been a frequent visitor to a local strip club and had an intimate and extramarital relationship with an exotic dancer for about six years. 'She liked money and athletes,' the former business manager said on condition of anonymity. 'She went out with athletes before. She was one of those girls who said, 'You're married? You have kids? So what?' Lets have fun.'
* July 9: Nevada Senator John Ensign, the only Pentecostal in the U.S. Senate and an active supporter of Promise Keepers, a husband and father of three, admits to an extramarital affair with one of his campaign aids. It is later learned that his father, a casino mogul in Las Vegas, paid his mistresses family 96,000 dollars.
* July 7: Perhaps the most dramatic example of a prominent adult male who never really grew out of his adolescence is Michael Jackson, whose incredible musical career was overshadowed by his sad and terribly tragic personal life, characterized by countless cosmetic surgeries and fixation on Peter Pan. Jackson died in an apparent drug induced Neverland stupor millions of dollars in debt and struggling with bouts of deep depression. His subsequent funeral, paid for by the city of Los Angeles, was more of an extravaganza than a memorial service and cost an estimated 1.4 million dollars.
Some will say that this is not a trend in the making- that these are the kinds of things that have always gone on and that we are living in an information age in which an explosion of scandal is constantly barraging public consciousness that in other times would not have been known or reported. To that I would confess that I am somewhat but not completely naive to human nature and our societies somewhat scandalous history.
But I see other signs that the moral fabric of society is beginning to fray that go beyond these latest and most obvious examples. There are many more prominent examples that are impacting our culture that we can see and feel every day- like the fact that most babies born in Oklahoma county are born into homes needing government assistance and that the large majority of them are single moms. Like the fact that men are marrying late or not marrying at all. Recently, the New York Times reported:
Once, virtually all Americans had married by their mid-40's. Now, many American men without college degrees find themselves still single as they approach middle age. About 18 percent of men ages 40 to 44 with less than four years of college have never married, according to census estimates. That is up from about 6 percent a quarter-century ago. Among similar men ages 35 to 39, the portion jumped to 22 percent from 8 percent in that time. At virtually every level of education, fewer Americans are marrying. But the decline is most pronounced among men with less education. Even marriage rates among female professionals over 40 have stabilized in recent years.
Like the fact that most violent crimes against society are by angry, adolescent men.
Like the fact that the large majority of men in prison were raised by their moms and did not have a father at home and that nearly 100% of men on death row admit to either hating or not knowing their dads.
It may not be an epidemic, but it is at the very least a growing crises. And this is why I say it may very we be THE biggest problem in culture.
All of this leads me to simply say that it seems to me that one of the greatest challenges for the church in the future will be the discipleship of men. We need fathers and men of God who influence young men without fathers to step up and teach what it means to be a real man.
Real men provide for their family.
Real men don't cheat on their wives.
Real men, like my own father and his father before him, love their wives all their lives and care and support their families and sacrifice for them and though not perfect, live responsible and humble lives and pass down their faith to the next generation.
Just because you can play football for a living it doesn't mean your a real man.
Just because you have political power it doesn't mean you are a real man.
Just because you make millions as an entertainer it doesn't mean your a real man.
A man, a real man, leads courageously, accepts responsibility, rejects passivity and expects God's reward, not his own reward. A real man rejects the tendency toward selfishness and irresponsibility as characterized by the first Adam and is called toward the adventure of living like the second Adam, Jesus Christ.
And though the man who strives to live like Christ within Christian community is not always perfect and often falls short, give me that man who is plugging away at work and loving his family and being faithful to his wife and leading and serving in the church EVERY TIME over the spectacular examples of failing male role models we so often have in current culture.
Josiah Gilbert Holland wrote the following the late 1800s.
- GOD, give us men! A time like this demands
- Strong minds, great hearts, true faith and ready hands;
- Men whom the lust of office does not kill;
- Men whom the spoils of office can not buy;
- Men who possess opinions and a will;
- Men who have honor; men who will not lie;
- Men who can stand before a demagogue
- And damn his treacherous flatteries without winking!
- Tall men, sun-crowned, who live above the fog
- In public duty, and in private thinking;
- For while the rabble, with their thumb-worn creeds,
- Their large professions and their little deeds,
- Mingle in selfish strife, lo! Freedom weeps,
- Wrong rules the land and waiting Justice sleeps.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
don't blink
Kenny Chesney sings a song I like called "Don't Blink". In the song he describes a meeting with a 100 year old man who when asked his advice about life said simply, "Don't blink..."
We were having dinner the other night with some very close friends that I have known since High School when someone in the crowd mentioned they were turning 50 next year. Although I will not reach that milestone for a couple of years, the sound of it in that moment was kind of shocking. Now I know that that age (the one with the 5 followed by the 0) is coming and has been coming, one year at time, for some time now. And I don't really think of myself as being old, but I do distinctively remember my much younger past self thinking that 50 something was way on the other side of over the hill.
Boy... was my much younger past self ever mistaken! I mean, good grief, I'm not even close to being old. I like what Yogi Berra once asked, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?" Old is always about 20 years older than what you are right now, I've learned.
I have learned existentially what I have always only partially known in theory- and that is that life on earth goes quickly. Truly, it is a "vapor of smoke". Chesney is right- we can't blink or we'll miss it.
James Orchard Halliwell wrote in 1842:
Yep. Life is short.
But it is ordained by God to be that way. In His providence and goodness He has numbered our days on earth. Every single one of us is given as much time, no more and no less, to accomplish His good purposes and it is in those purposes that we find true meaning and joy and happiness.
And so, this being true, it stands to reason that if we complain about the shortness of our days we are in a sense committeing a form of blasphemy- we are telling God He's gotten it wrong. But truly, God knows what He is doing and each of us has been assigned exactly the right number of days for His providential plan.
God has a purpose for my life and He has given me all I need to accomplish it.
There is nothing more important than that. That was true for me at 18 and it is still true at 48.
A few years ago, scientists at John Hopkins University surveyed nearly 8,000 college students at forty-eight universities and asked what they considered “very important” to them. What would you guess was most important? Make a lot of money? Get married? Get a job? Buy a home?
Surprisingly, only 16 percent answered “making a lot of money.”
But a whopping 75 percent said that their first goal was “finding a purpose and meaning to my life".
It just goes to show that most college students today and most people know instinctively what is most important- but it doesn't mean they will actually act on what they know to be true. My experience tells me that most people do not believe they have yet discovered their purpose. The key is to find it, embrace it, and to give your life to it.
But don't blink.
We were having dinner the other night with some very close friends that I have known since High School when someone in the crowd mentioned they were turning 50 next year. Although I will not reach that milestone for a couple of years, the sound of it in that moment was kind of shocking. Now I know that that age (the one with the 5 followed by the 0) is coming and has been coming, one year at time, for some time now. And I don't really think of myself as being old, but I do distinctively remember my much younger past self thinking that 50 something was way on the other side of over the hill.
Boy... was my much younger past self ever mistaken! I mean, good grief, I'm not even close to being old. I like what Yogi Berra once asked, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?" Old is always about 20 years older than what you are right now, I've learned.
I have learned existentially what I have always only partially known in theory- and that is that life on earth goes quickly. Truly, it is a "vapor of smoke". Chesney is right- we can't blink or we'll miss it.
James Orchard Halliwell wrote in 1842:
- Solomon Grundy,
- Born on a Monday,
- Christened on Tuesday,
- Married on Wednesday,
- Took ill on Thursday,
- Grew worse on Friday,
- Died on Saturday,
- Buried on Sunday.
- This is the end
- Of Solomon Grundy
Yep. Life is short.
But it is ordained by God to be that way. In His providence and goodness He has numbered our days on earth. Every single one of us is given as much time, no more and no less, to accomplish His good purposes and it is in those purposes that we find true meaning and joy and happiness.
And so, this being true, it stands to reason that if we complain about the shortness of our days we are in a sense committeing a form of blasphemy- we are telling God He's gotten it wrong. But truly, God knows what He is doing and each of us has been assigned exactly the right number of days for His providential plan.
God has a purpose for my life and He has given me all I need to accomplish it.
There is nothing more important than that. That was true for me at 18 and it is still true at 48.
A few years ago, scientists at John Hopkins University surveyed nearly 8,000 college students at forty-eight universities and asked what they considered “very important” to them. What would you guess was most important? Make a lot of money? Get married? Get a job? Buy a home?
Surprisingly, only 16 percent answered “making a lot of money.”
But a whopping 75 percent said that their first goal was “finding a purpose and meaning to my life".
It just goes to show that most college students today and most people know instinctively what is most important- but it doesn't mean they will actually act on what they know to be true. My experience tells me that most people do not believe they have yet discovered their purpose. The key is to find it, embrace it, and to give your life to it.
But don't blink.
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