self inflicted wounds

A good friend came to community group Sunday night with a black eye (I wouldn't want to embarrass him by giving his true identity but if any of you saw Steve Duty at church last Sunday the black eye looked kinda like his), and so we asked for an explanation. He confessed that it was self inflicted. He told us how he had been attacked by wasps in his barn and out of anger tried to take care of the one that was stinging him just below the eye by inexplicably balling up his own fist and giving it a good wack.

He missed the wasp but nearly knocked himself out.

I know it had to hurt- he said he thought he had broken his nose in the process- but the full explanation with physical demonstration was rapturously funny. It took awhile for our group to regain composure.

I've been thinking today about self inflicted wounds.

Not the physical ones but the emotional and spiritual ones. These are the wounds much less obvious and more difficult to heal.

Let's face it- most of the wounds we experience are the ones we bring upon ourselves. The Bible teaches that the core issue we deal with in our fallen condition is the problem of idolatry which is the ultimate self inflicted wound. Idolatry is the act of putting something at the center of my heart that continually strikes me down. If there is anything at the center of my affections other than Christ Himself, that thing will destroy me- it will crush me to the ground.

Today I had a conversation with a young man who told me of a struggle with depression and anxiety- he wondered if his problem was spiritual warfare. "Of course" I told him, "but the core issue is your idolatry."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

I told him that most people misunderstand idolatry as being some benign object of worship- they think of a golden calf or one of the millions of Hindu gods or goddesses- but not of anything related to their own life. But there is a reason the first two commandments deal with the issue of our idolatry and that the other 8 are simply manifestations of the first two. We are all terribly idolatrous and that is our core issue. It is by far our biggest problem. This is way I am constantly telling people "your problem is not really the problem you think it is- it is deeper than you think." We are stung by it every day and are constantly having to fight it's influence over us.

An idol is anything I have placed in my life other than Christ that I believe will give me significance and meaning. It is whatever causes me to say "If I lose everything else, at least I have this..."

Whatever "this" is, is your idol.

It is what you do not believe you can live without it. And if it's not God, it will destroy you.

So if you are feeling depression or anxiety it is most likely because your idol is condemning you.

I once had a conversation with a girl who struggled with doubts about her salvation. She showed all the signs of a committed Christian and yet she felt constantly condemned. After talking through her doubts it became clear that instead of relying on His grace, she was focused on living up to the high standards her parents had set for her.

She was guilty of idolatry.

Her idol was the projection of the person her parents wanted her to be and therefore she was constantly condemned by it. She was not living by His grace, she was stuck in the bondage of religious idolatry and yet she looked to everyone who knew her like a committed believer.

Her wounds were self inflicted.

And so were the young man's who told me today he was feeling depression and wondered if it was spiritual warfare. He wondered what God was trying to tell him through all of this. I told him "God wants you to put away your idols and accept His loving grace and love and serve Him because of His great love for you and stop serving an idol that is constantly condemning you."

Life should hurt at times. At times we should feel a little depressed or a little anxiety. Certainly the wasps will sting- but we should not be struck down by the natural ebb and flow of this life.

If you lose your job it should hurt but if it devastates you it's probably because your career has become an idol.

If you lose a relationship it should be painful but if you fall into a deep depression it is likely because that relationship is what was giving you meaning and purpose and joy in this life. That relationship had become an idol and now your idol is condemning you.

We go through normal emotions in the natural course of this life but when Christ is not at the center we go through idolotrously magnified feelings of depression and anxiety and hopelessness and that is our deepest self inflicted wound.

The Psalmist put it this way:

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

It is a good question. A question I ask myself a lot.

If our hope is in anything else, we are like a guy I know who nearly knocked himself out while trying to swat a wasp- our deepest wounds will be self inflicted.