But when the attack came, it was manifested in all the classic signs. I had a severe pain in my chest that shot up my left arm. My neck and jaws hurt and I had shortness of breath. The most difficult of all the symptoms to deal with was an overwhelming sense of anxiety. It is amazing how the body will tell you you are in trouble. My body was screaming at me. Emotionally I was in a kind of denial. "It can't be happening", I told myself. "Surely this isn't what I think it is!" But my body was telling me with emphatic clarity what I did not want to believe to be true.
It turns out the left ventricle to my heart, the artery they call "the widow maker", was completely blocked. My cardiologist told me later that likely I had a small blockage that broke free and caused the total blockage.
I was outside working in the yard when it happened. I made my way to the house, told Teri I was not feeling well and took a cold shower. The shower revived me somewhat but the symptoms quickly returned. "We've got to go to the hospital", I told Teri.
After a quick conversation with our doctor friend, Matt Britt, who told us to get to the heart hospital as quickly as possible, we jumped in the car and Teri wasted no time getting me to the emergency room (our apologies to anyone we might have offended in that 7 minute flight).
I can't say enough about the professionalism of the nurses, doctors and specialists at the Oklahoma Heart Hospital. Within mere minutes I was in a cath lab and they performed a balloon procedure utilizing a stent that liberated my stressed heart. I have no doubt their quick work saved my life.
A friend asked me this week how my heart attack has changed me? Of course only time will tell, but already I can see a perspective I only had in part before but now I have in full. I would summarize them like this:
1. I notice I don't worry as much about the small stuff. If it's not worth carrying into eternity, why should it matter? This is a truth that has been an important biblical concept to me that has taken on new meaning post heart attack.
2. The big stuff seems to matter more. I now see that every second I have with family and friends is a precious gift. My wife's smile has never been so important to me. My daughters silly jokes are more funny. Every conversation with my son takes on new importance. I find myself wanting to squeeze every ounce of life from each second I have with the people I love. I have noticed that I notice more. I notice how much my friends mean to me. I notice how much my church means to me and what incredible love exists in the fellowship of God's people. I notice the things I used to take for granted- things like children's laughter, a beautiful sunrise or a worship song that strikes a chord. Life seems more full and has greater clarity.
3. I feel a greater sense of purpose for what God put me on this planet to accomplish. My calling to proclaim and live the gospel has never been more important to me. I have had so many people pray for me the past few weeks that I truly believe that whatever good might come from my life from this day forward- however many people may come to know Christ because of my ministry- will be the direct result of those prayers. I have heard the expression "God isn't finished with me yet" thousands of times in my life. It is more than just a cliche for me now.
More than at any time in my life I am excited to be on the journey we are on together. Because of what God has brought me through in that defining moment three weeks ago, I am more determined than ever to see it through with purpose and joy.
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