This morning in my quiet time I was reading the familiar passage in John 13 in which Jesus reveals to his disciples at the Last Supper that one of them will betray Him. I've read the passage thousands of times but today these words affected me like never before,"... one of them, the one whom Jesus loved..."
Of course this was the way John identified himself in the story without actually saying his own name. But what struck me today as I meditated on this passage was that John's habit of identifying himself this way was more than just literary subtlety, it also displays a kind of profound spiritual discipline. One of the most important lessons of the gospel is that Christ's love for us profoundly changes the way we live and even the way we see ourselves. So John's identifier was much more than literary style, it was a kind of self awareness that all of us as Christ followers should possess. Having embraced the gospel, we should all write ourselves into the story as "the one whom Jesus loved".
When I look into my own heart I can see that the biggest issues I struggle with are the result of not seeing and understanding His love properly. When I embrace the reality of His grace I no longer have to prove myself. When I see His love in this way all of my worry and despair becomes unreasonable. It is the awareness of His love that answers all my insecurities. When I see that the God of the universe was willing to die for me I am made aware of my worth in ways that affect me profoundly. He is the treasure I look for in all other treasure. He is the joy I seek in all other joys. He is the love the heart longs for in all other loves. So when I am able to see myself in the story as "the one whom Jesus loves" it doesn't matter what else is written in the script- whether it be suffering, sadness, frustration or betrayal- because ultimately I know I am loved with an eternal love. I am the one whom Jesus loves.
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